Can we find a Better Name and Game for Stress Management?

I am reluctant to use the term “stress management” as a catch-all phrase for the occasions where our lives hit some rough water because I believe this label has been diluted down to a cliché rather than a path to a solution. I prefer not to lecture people and throw a 5, 6 or 10 step program to ultimate success because things are never quite that simple as these magic bullet approaches would have us believe with their game plan.

The truth is there is no “one size fits all” model for all of us when the time comes where we have to deal with an excessive amount of pressure in our lives. The first thing we have to establish is the root cause of the problem and there are many occasions when all we have to do is look in the mirror to find the culprit. For some people the problem may be caused by an excessive amount of worry over issues in their lives where they have relinquished control of a totally controllable personal situation.

The solution may not appear obvious to the person because they may have to make a tough decision to move forward in their lives, but are unwilling to make that first move in the right direction. Instead they agonize over the problem and get stuck in neutral along their life’s path. The problem grows in their eyes and they begin to encounter emotional and physical side effects from their lack of decision about how to deal with the issue.

They have put their stress hormones in the “on position” and inflicted unnecessary physiological and emotional harm on themselves. It is like one foot pushing the gas pedal to the floor and the other foot pushing hard on the brake pedal… something will eventually break in the car – and the person. Peoples’ lives and cars cannot move forward and stand still at the same time without a major problem. We have become an “adrenal fatigued society” where we have our foot to the floor and have depleted our fuel supply for situations that really do require an adrenal boost
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Eventually we may even begin to ignore all the physiological signs when we encounter life challenges and we stop listening to the most important pressure gauge of all: our own bodies. We get so used to not paying attention to our body’s messages and start to ignore every message because we have gotten used to a pressure cooker life. Eventually something has to give when the pressure is too much to handle after we ignored the signs for too long in our lives.

So how do we change the game? For starters we need a new game plan. If the current game plan does not work, then it is time to take a new direction and therein is the challenge for people. They cling to a notion that “if I can only get through this then things will get better” as their solution instead of a different approach that may not be easy, but will move them past their life challenge. Waiting for things to change is a simple standstill in life- while choosing a new path is forward motion; even if it is not an easy path. It may mean a different job, talking to somebody, or any other decision that moves you away from simply “doing nothing and hoping it will pass” as a solution.

The process of change will require patience because it is easy to take the path of least resistance and fall back into old familiar habits even if they are harmful to our overall well-being. When you get used to ignoring stressors, you also get used to a life where you have swept the problem under the rug and it may seem easier than affecting change in your life to get rid of them. There is no quick fix when it comes to the process of change because there is no drive-through stress relief store for a person to pick up fast solutions. Instead we have to be patient when it comes to positive results from our new choices in life.

One of the things I like to emphasize to people in the midst of personal challenges and an overwhelming feeling of despair is that they can benefit from focusing on the positives in their lives. Sometimes they might have to reach back quite a distance to find the positives, but the pay off in retraining the brain with these thoughts rather than negative self talk can promote an actual change in health. It is important to arm ourselves with these positives when we begin the process of change because they can form a foundation for the new direction and help us keep the eye on the prize, which are less stress factors in our lives.

In a nutshell the process is about the ability to make changes and have the patience to wait for positive results when we cope with life pressures. The road to success is more often a walk rather than a sprint to the finish line, but the most important part is to complete the race.