It starts with a tax deadline that becomes a large problem for some people as they get closer to the end of April. The media is quick to remind us that we have reached the end of the line for filing our taxes and they help make a mountain out of this molehill. The process becomes a much larger-than-life obstacle and people tend to run with it because some people love to include a sense of turmoil in their lives, whether real or imagined.

Most people will find that their tax obligation will either be non-existent or can be repaid by a payment plan worked out with the CRA if people do not have the entire amount of tax repayment money available to them at the time. The key issue for people who fear tax season is their urgent need to get the process into “matter of fact” territory and deal with it accordingly. Tax season is not one of those life-changing moments; it is simply an annual ritual that is part of everybody’s lives.

Personally I view tax season in the same vein as my annual physical exams and tests, so I include all of these events as part of my “matter of fact” life package. It tends to lower my anxiety levels to a reasonable stress level that is more appropriate for these occasions and places them much lower on my own list of reasons that should produce stress. It becomes a matter of perspective and I firmly believe that tax season is not a strong enough stressor to produce a high level of anxiety in the grand scheme of life.

The idea of stress response is based upon a physiological fact from our evolutionary past because it is only designed for brief moments of perceived danger to initiate a heightened flight/fight/freeze survival response. Too much prolonged stress can produce some very negative effects on our long term health, so it becomes even more critical for us to put our stressors in their proper place in our lives. Tax deadlines should not be high on our list of stressors.

The broader notion of personal finances should also be part of the bigger picture because each of us has our own philosophy about money. Some people with a great deal of money tend to worry too much about their financial picture to the point of a personal health risk, while others with limited financial resources have a better attitude about the priority of finances in their lives and consequently they enjoy better physical health.

Here are a series of questions about your personal attitude toward finances that you need to ask yourself:

• What do you feel when you think about your personal finances? Do you feel a sense of calmness, empowerment and at ease, or do you tense up and feel a sense of dread and tightness in your stomach?
• Can you identify your personal beliefs about money and are they positive or negative attitudes about money?
• Where did you develop your views toward money and were your views developed through your relationship with your family and their experiences?
• Have you made an effort to better understand your financial picture? If so, did you enlist the help of your friends or family in this process?
• Have you encountered personal financial problems and how has your attitude played a role in the experience, both as a root cause and in your coping mechanisms?
• What have you learned from your past experiences with financial problems?
• Have you repeated the same behavior pattern that has not worked in the past when it comes to your personal financial choices and when did this pattern start in your life?
• Have you enlisted other people who are close to you that have good financial management skills to mentor you as role models in the area of financial advice?
• Have you considered other revenue streams to alleviate your financial strains? Have you considered sharing goods and services with others in a barter system to lessen your financial burden?
• Has your problem reached a point where you need to enlist the aid of a credit counseling service to address your financial situation?
• Finally, can you envision a better world where your financial concerns do not consume your life? These are the questions that you need to ask and answer for yourself before you take the next step toward placing them in their proper level of priority in your life. Financial concerns can indeed be managed and then you can then enjoy one less source of stress in your life. The most important thing is to prioritize the financial problem and determine whether it is a real concern or simply an unnecessary overreaction to a simple financial matter. Either way, you will be able to reduce its stressful effect on your life if you take the right steps to solve the problem.

The other variable in the equation is the loss of aunts and uncles as we move into the latter stages of our own lives. My father was the eldest child in a large family of 11 and he has been gone since the late 70s. The last of my father’s five brothers passed away recently and it made me think about how Uncle Bruce’s death marked another milestone of loss for our family. It is a situation that will be encountered by every family when they lose a legacy with the passing of the previous generation.

Uncle Bruce was treated like a rock star at family events because he was a friendly man with a quick wit who was willing to share his anecdotes about family history to everyone who spent time with him. I was always glad to get a new angle on my father’s life from Uncle Bruce because they had experiences together that preceded me by many decades. It was the kind of information that gets more important to me as I get older and I am sure that my many cousins were also spellbound by Uncle Bruce’s stories about their own parents.

It was not always this way for me because Uncle Bruce was a very imposing figure to me when I was a kid. He had a deep booming voice and a no-nonsense approach to child rearing, largely because he and Aunt Shirley faced the daunting task of raising very rambunctious boys who were close in age; a mission that required every ounce of their parenting skills. Uncle Bruce knew how to keep a lid on things and it was no place for 21st century parenting unless you wanted the inmates running the asylum.

Uncle Bruce was also the first of my three Sutherland uncles to join the RCMP in the late 40s. He weaved some pretty incredible stories about his life in the police force that spanned many towns in Alberta with frequent transfers in the job description. He rarely wore a gun during his career because he believed that he could handle a situation without the need for a firearm.

Two of my uncles were involved in the search for Robert Raymond Cook, with Uncle Bruce directly involved in the mass murderer’s arrest after a lengthy manhunt. Both uncles (Keith and Bruce) were not happy with the book about Cook that posed doubts about his guilt. They had first-hand knowledge about the killer’s real lifestyle and deeply resented the author’s portrayal of Cook and the RCMP in the book.

The gypsy life of an RCMP member in the 50s and 60s meant that two of my uncles were posted in Red Deer during their careers. In fact Uncle Bruce retired as a Staff Sergeant Major here in Red Deer during the early 70s.

I can recall an incident in 1970 when Uncle Bruce used the company car to drop us off at Prairie Creek for an afternoon of fishing while he went to the Rocky detachment on business. He was in uniform and every kid that saw us riding in the car flashed us a peace sign in what could only be described as a tribute to the last movie scene in ‘Billy Jack’.

Uncles occupy a special place in our lives. They remind us of our own fathers in a subtle kind of way because of the family link that binds them to our dads. We see the similarities and are grateful to have that link after we lose our fathers. Uncle Bruce will be missed by all of us in the family for that reason and many other reasons. The man truly was an unlikely rock star in our family.

The actual facts are somewhat different because most drivers are basically pretty good drivers, but they will go largely unnoticed because good drivers do not cause problems in traffic. We tend to focus our attention on the handful of bad drivers on the road and subsequently label every driver as an incompetently dangerous jerk on the road. It is a bad habit that can become a big problem because it makes driving unnecessarily stressful for anybody who cannot separate the majority of good drivers from the handful of bad drivers.

I have two simple driving solutions that can help alleviate the stress as well as save wear and tear on the car horn, middle finger and even fists in extreme circumstances. The first exercise is to recognize the large number of good drivers that also share the road. Notice the guy who signals his intentions and gives plenty of room before he changes lanes. Notice the woman who let you into her lane and wave your thank you to her. Notice that most drivers do respect the speed limit, traffic lights and stop lights on the roads.

This formerly invisible army of competent, courteous and safe drivers will suddenly be very clear to you if you make an effort to notice them instead of the handful of bad drivers scattered about the roadways that currently get your undivided negative attention. We can remedy a tendency to focus on the negative and not pay enough attention to the positive. Ask every news service about this basic motto of journalism: “If it bleeds it leads”, because good news does not sell newspapers or bump TV news ratings. We just have to remember that we are not selling bad news for a living and we do not need to see the worst in a situation, including something as simple as driving a car.

My second exercise is to make your time in a car as comfortable as possible, especially when heavy traffic means delays on the road. Never lose sight of the fact that your car is also a four-wheeled sanctuary from the outside world while you are behind the wheel. You get to pick the music style and enjoy the sounds from your favorite radio station or MP3 file for as long as you are in the car. It is your own personal concert hall and you are an appreciative audience while traffic eventually sorts itself out in front of you. In the meantime just enjoy the amazing personal entertainment atmosphere you have created for yourself in your car.

You might even choose an audio book for your time in heavy traffic because the narrator does all the reading while you do all the listening in your car. Remember, personal sanctuary here, so you get to make all of the entertainment choices in your car while you experience a well-deserved pause in your day. Your car has become your oasis so enjoy the ride.

It all boils down to your perspective while behind the wheel and whether or not you want to find more positives than negatives during the drive. It can be just that simple and easy for you.

Major changes in life happen at any time of the year and can often be the result of a negative event that has knocked a person’s life out of a familiar orbit and has presented them with a wobbly new orbit that has no precedent in their lives, thus they are suddenly in very unfamiliar territory where previous life experiences do not provide the answers to their current situation.

This situation is not simply a “fight or flight” experience because that scenario will not fully encompass the emotional reaction by many people. Instead other variables like a “freeze” reaction might play into people’s lives in which they are overwhelmed by the new challenge and cannot envision a solution to their problem. They may have been unable to see any realistic path out of their current problem on their own, so they come to a halt and do nothing about the dilemma. The situation does not get better from inaction and may even get worse if no action is taken by the individual.

The onslaught of a major life change that has emotionally boxed in a person may find a solution with the inclusion of another person who can analyze the problem and provide an extra set of eyes on the situation. The emotional shackle between the person and the problem may be too great for the person to see other alternatives that may provide a solution to a period of unwanted change in their lives.

For example, one of the issues that I have seen during my nursing career was a sudden barrage of daily medications for patients who had encountered a health issue that required drug treatment. They had gone from a comfortable daily routine to a brand new routine that required them to take their medication at a specific time under specific conditions. The situation got more complicated by a routine that required them to take multiple medications at varying times of the day or night.

Sometimes the new regimen was too much for them and they simply decided to do nothing and ignore the daily medication requirements prescribed for them. It may seem like an odd reaction to forego potentially life-saving treatment because the changes have overwhelmed and complicated their lives to a point where they simply could not handle the radical shift in their daily lives. But this reaction is an example of the powerful effect of change in our lives and how some of us cope with change.

Voluntary positive changes in a person’s life may become a goal when it comes to personal resolutions to make changes in their world. These are self-initiated changes that are popular when we begin a new calendar year, but they can also complicate lives. The big question for most people is how big a change do I want to make in my life and the simple answer is to stay well within the comfort zone in your life. An example might be radical cosmetic surgery that changes a person who was really quite comfortable with their original appearance and simply wanted a few tweaks. Sometimes a few tweaks are all that are needed when it comes to positive changes in our lives and a radical overhaul may do more harm than good, whether for cosmetic surgery or less complicated changes like diet or exercise programs that go much further than necessary to effect positive changes. A sudden leap into a drastic new routine may actually doom the new changes to failure because there has been too much change done too quickly and it has seriously compromised the chances for success. Sometimes we need to slowly wade into cold water to get acclimatized to the temperature instead of simply diving into the even colder deep end of the pool and immediately climbing out of the pool.

Changes in life actually come in several categories that include good, bad, necessary or unnecessary, by varying degrees. The one constant is that we will all face many changes as we move though our lives and many of them will be delivered by circumstances over which we have limited control. How we handle the changes in terms of decisions is where we regain control of our lives.

Unfortunately the manifestation of fear is a big part of our daily lives. The media builds its reports around the fear factor because they concentrate their efforts on the bad news of the day and thus we receive a daily dose of wars, epidemics, violence, falling stocks, failing economies, dangerous weather and any other gruesome news that captures our attention. The mantra for any of the media news services has been “if it bleeds it leads” for a very long time. Eventually we simply accept the daily negativity as the norm and can actually become complacent about the unnecessary barrage of extra stress factors in our lives. In fact, we can reach a point where our bodies can no longer differentiate between real stress and perceived stress caused by unnecessary fear overloads in our lives.

The daily onslaught of stress caused by fear can trigger a continuous activation of our stress hormones that overload our systems and can eventually put us on “tilt” over a period of time. There is no hard and fast timeline for the crash but early signs of stress can begin with subtle symptoms such as jaw-tightening, headaches, muscle aches and pains, as well as indigestion. Stronger symptoms include chronic pain, acute sleep deprivation, muscle twitching and extreme fatigue. A complete stress overload may well eventually lead to chronic illnesses such as diabetes, arthritis, addictions, cancer, cardio issues and depression to name but a few very probable outcomes to unchecked fears that produce excessive stress in our lives.

My job is to prevent people from reaching the point of no return in their lives and health. We do not know specifically when our health might go on “tilt”, but we can learn to acknowledge what our bodies are telling us and then pay close attention to the vital information. Circle of Life Wellness Coaching is specifically designed to teach people how to recognize everything from a whisper, to a shout, and right up to a 2X4- plank- across- our- skulls style of communication from our bodies.

I do not advocate running to your health care team for every issue that may trouble you; instead my role is to help you understand the awareness that your situation may require the support of your health care team. For example, it is not normal to have bleeding when you have bowel movements. The problem may be a relatively minor health issue such as an anal fissure or hemorrhoids, or it could be a larger issue with the gastro-intestinal system. The important issue here is that a situation like this one will require an examination by a medical professional. It is a reality that any changes in your bowel or bladder movements are also a reason to make an appointment with a doctor, because your body is communicating with you with physical symptoms.

Even something like heartburn can be more than simple diet, weight or stress issue in a person’s life and a visit to a doctor can allay the fear factor in the equation. A basic rule of thumb is that any loss of ability to experience your senses in your usual manner is a good reason to see a doctor.

My job is to encourage people to get into “matter of fact” territory and out of fear-based territory in their lives. A personal example: my sister died from bowel cancer at the age of 32. Her death placed me in a higher cancer risk group so I was strongly urged to include regular colonoscopies in my health care. I immediately filed this procedure under my “matter of fact” category for personal health and include the colonoscopies as a part of my regular health check up routine within the proper time frames. I view the procedure as a simple medical tool that helps alleviate any personal fears that I may have as a genetically higher risk candidate for cancer, thus it gives me peace of mind.

My last check included a friend who would drive me home after the procedure. She was booked for her first colonoscopy the following week and was a little anxious about the event. However, she witnessed my “no big deal” reaction before and after the procedure and went through her own colonoscopy very smoothly- in fact “no big deal” for her either. She lost her fear factor and replaced it with a calm approach to the colonoscopy, it was just that simple.

Is it worth thinking differently about fear? Absolutely. Is it okay to recognize that fear is the likely basis of many of the negative emotions and health challenges that we experience? Again, absolutely. I encourage any of my clients who experience an emotional overload that seems to affect his/her health to share their thoughts about their challenges and look at changes to their perspective about the challenges. My professional role is to help them eliminate or, at the very least, diminish the impact of the fear factor produced by the situation.

Can the challenge be experienced in a way that significantly reduces the stress response in the body? Yes it can, although it does take practice to re-wire the thought processes rooted in many years of conditioned response to an old challenge in our lives. However a brand new game plan for old challenges is well worth the effort.

The starting point in this exercise is a question: does my energy level go up or down when I think about my challenge? If the answer is down, then it is very likely that your body has experienced a stress response to the situation. Now is the time to quickly “think positive thoughts” and move away from the stressor. This is an exercise that will require lots of practice, not unlike the pursuit of a better golf or tennis game. The point of this very simple exercise is to reinforce a neurological change within the neural pathways in our brains and this positive repetition will help prevent a return to our old way of viewing the challenge.

Another simple tool to effectively fight the fear factor is a deep breathing exercise when faced with a stressful situation that will automatically cause our bodies to lapse into rapid and shallow breathing patterns. Deep breathing can be done anywhere and anytime to intercept a stress response produced by a fear or anxiety factor.

An unusual route toward stress relief may be as simple as a break from the onslaught of the daily media in your life. Ask yourself whether you need an extra helping of bad news in your daily routine that may affect your personal stress levels and remember that the media is specifically designed to sell bad news to their consumers because history has proven that good news is a non-seller in the media business. They are not there to make your day a little better because they cannot sell a steady diet of good news to their consumers or advertisers. Ignore the media for awhile and you may just make your day improve during that time frame.

You may have found that your response to stress in your life includes a variety of emotions such as anger and anxiety. These reactions are a very good time for you to re-assess your reaction to the fear factor produced by stresses in your life and change your perspective on these stress factors. You can eliminate the fear factor when you understand that changes are possible, with the real prospect that better health and well-being are well within your grasp. Positive changes to eliminate your fear factor are worth it because you are worth it.

The youngest and last of my mother’s family passed away a year ago at the age of ninety. Uncle Mac (given name James) was a decorated World War Two hero and I was his namesake. This very modest and friendly man led an exemplary life and was a consummate family man. His death created an informal family reunion for all of the wrong reasons as my brothers and sisters attended his funeral and spent time with our first cousins.

It is always tough to watch the family of the departed because they are the last people to enter the church service and I have walked in their shoes all too often in my life. In our family, we know the feeling intimately when your family becomes the center of attention for all of the wrong reasons at a funeral. We learned it early and too often in our own family and, as tragic as each and every one of the events were to us, the experience developed our abilities to cope with the inevitability of death.

My uncle’s family had experienced their first very close encounter with the passing of a close family member and I felt even sorrier for them because they had spent many decades as a complete family unit. My cousins were pushed into a first time situation and I could not help but notice how it affected them. Only time will put things in perspective for them and time was not their ally at this early stage of the process. I surmised that a very long term relationship with parents must make things even worse and my cousins’ demeanor suggested that I was correct.

The other two funerals occurred this year within two months of each other and involved a brother and sister of my late father. The earlier funeral this year was my Aunt Kae’s, a very well-liked woman whose untimely passing came as the result of a fall and was not anticipated in any way. My cousins in this case were a part of a large and close family of 12 children who had already lost two brothers to sudden death at young ages, as well as their father (Uncle Hal) to illness a few years ago.

They were no strangers to tragedy, but it was still tough to watch them enter the church and know that they have also experienced too much already in their family. The sudden loss of their beloved mother was a big blow to the family and they handled it with great dignity, despite what seemed to be unfair circumstances to me.

The latest funeral was my father’s youngest brother, a decorated retired member of the RCMP and a consummate family man. My Uncle Keith had an extraordinary bond with his children and I wondered how they would cope with the loss of their dad. They were also brand new to the loss of a close family member and it was painfully obvious at my uncle’s funeral that it was a very difficult time for them.

The three family events did prove one important fact for me: we don’t get well-planned family reunions to spend time with our cousins as we get older, instead we get funerals. But the funerals are also a sign that we belong to a larger family of cousins and the fact that we have this giant common denominator of family links means that we can share in the loss with them. Their parents were also our aunts and uncles and we had forged our own bonds with them, so we can also miss them and grieve with our cousins.

All of us have stories about our intertwined lives as kids and young adults that include fond memories of family reunions and summer holidays when our families were all intact. At least we can take these experiences to the funerals and share our stories with each other of a simpler, kinder and gentler time for family events. It brings us back to our younger days of carefree fun, so I am always glad to see all of my cousins; I just wish that I could pick better circumstances for the gatherings. Every family has the same wish.

Written by Jim Sutherland (www.mystarcollectorcar.com); originally published in the Red Deer Advocate, May, 2012

Imagine a scenario where an important person in your life recognizes a noticeable change in their health status and immediately faces an emotional flood of fear and uncertainty about their condition. The stress produced by fear of the unknown is a serious obstacle that can be alleviated by a trip to the family doctor to eliminate the “guessing stage” in the process. This is the first stage toward a solution because the family doctor will steer the afflicted loved one toward a specialist for a clearer picture of the medical problem. The exception to this method is an emergency room visit where on-call specialists may enter into the equation. The important components in this equation are good communication with the doctor and timely diagnosis of the medical condition to properly manage the inherent stress in these situations.

Steps to consider:
• Every serious health challenge requires immediate action to understand the problem and define the treatment, therefore an initial medical appointment should be made within a week of the discovery of a problem.
• It is important to document the symptoms experienced by the loved one. The person will likely be more comfortable during an initial discussion with somebody close to them and might provide important information about their current condition. All changes in appetite, weight, sleep patterns, energy levels, body functions, strength levels, general sense of well-being (eg. extended nausea, breathing problems, numbness, etc.) should be noted and documented for the physician. It is also advisable to write down any relevant questions for the doctor because it may be difficult to remember to ask the right questions during a medical consultation due to the extra stress.
• The person closest to the affected loved one should be prepared to share personal observations about the specific health changes in the loved one. It is highly advisable to write down these observations and include a time frame of the changes if possible.
• There is strength in numbers when a person has a consultation with a doctor because the stress of the visit often makes it difficult for the affected person to properly absorb the information. Another set of “ears” is a good way to ensure that the message is received and understood during the consultation, plus the extra person can take written notes to get the proper information.
• There may be an occasion when the person takes some tests (blood, body fluids, scans, tissue, body function by-products, etc.) and gets the “doctor needs to see you” call. Definitely go with the person because there is an understandable shift into high gear in the stress response, so it is important to employ some relaxation techniques to dial down the “worry bird’s” anxiety levels. Plus the person may require somebody to drive them home from the appointment because of the emotional overload.
• The news may turn out to be “not great” during the course of a consultation and may require additional treatment for the medical condition. This new challenge means that many new questions will arise in the situation such as specialist appointment time frames, treatments, extra tests, support structures for the problem, or extra costs and their affordability via low cost/no cost or sliding scale options. Or, if cost is not an insurmountable obstacle, are there other medical avenues that are available to the affected person? Two sets of ears and a written record of the conversation with the physician or specialist is once again a valuable asset in this situation.

There is only one message when it comes to a health issue that has not gone away: do not ignore it. Early detection and treatment can completely change the game and ensure a full recovery for the loved one, so make that call. There are absolutely no material replacements for the good health of the people that matter most in your life.

(Thank you to Jim Sutherland of Ghostwriters: Written Communication Consultants for his assistance with this article)

Dustin Campbell was one of the most remarkable young men I’ve ever met. At the age of 18, Dustin learned that he had cancer, but he was told that it was quite likely he could be cured of his illness. His cancer journey included chemotherapy, radiation and also a bone marrow transplant. Unfortunately a remission was not in the cards for the gifted young student. Dustin lived his cancer journey while he was at the University of Alberta to work on his biology degree with a minor in chemistry. He kept a 3.9 grade point average throughout his entire university career, despite the grim world of aggressive cancer treatments that were a large part of his life. His goal was to become a doctor; a choice which all of his professors knew would be a natural career path for Dustin.

Dustin underwent a three year journey with cancer, but he eventually discovered that he was going to die from his illness. He was a good friend of my youngest son Brad since their first year in student residence and they decided that they would become room mates. Dustin was honest with Brad and advised my son that it was very likely that Brad would go through something quite significant with him. Dustin’s implied message meant that Brad would be included in Dustin’s cancer journey which could likely include the dying process. Brad was comfortable with the obvious challenges of Dustin’s cautionary request and was determined to treat Dustin as a good friend that was living life to the fullest – not as someone who was simply dying and marking time in life.

Dustin Campbell passed away during his 21st year, but he was able to accept the inevitability of his fate with dignity and provide one final gift to his family .In Dustin’s brilliance, he was determined to try his best to live but, when he was informed that he was terminal, Dustin privately made his own arrangements for his funeral. By private, it meant that Dustin handled every detail and spared his grief-stricken family the pressure of funeral planning for this remarkable young man. I suspect that he wanted to spare his mom Della from the additional stress of grim funeral decisions because he knew that she would already have suffered great pain from his passing. I knew Dustin very well and suspect that he knew that it would be the biggest final gift that he could give to his family, and he was right.

Dustin lost his battle with cancer in the 10th month of the 21st year of his young life. Brad was there, as Dustin had predicted, and he had the responsibility to make the 911 call as instructed by Dustin, along with the privilege of Dustin’s final request to Brad that he tell Dustin’s parents that he loved them. It was a shock for Brad to witness the death of a close friend right in front of him and very tough for Brad to take his place as one of the pallbearers for Dustin’s funeral.

Yet Dustin’s funeral was beautiful, overflowing with people that knew this wise and wonderful young man. By then we had found out that he’d done all of the planning behind a service that included which people would be involved in the ceremony, the live musicians, the celebrants, and his own slide show that he’d done on his computer. As well, there was a video segment that included Dustin’s exceptional ability to play piano…he ended up playing at his own funeral. For all of us that were present for this amazing celebration, we knew that we had an experience that quite likely would never be repeated – to have celebrated the life of an exceptional young man who was wise well beyond his years. We also knew that Dustin would never be forgotten because his work had only just begun for the rest of us. We can help make the difference that Dustin had envisioned.

One of the touching by-products of Dustin’s legacy was his mother Della’s new role as a volunteer counselor for families that have encountered the same devastation as Della. She is able to deliver the unique counsel provided by somebody who truly understands their circumstances and benefited from her own remarkable son’s ability to understand how he could make his family’s life easier by his decisions. Della continues to advise other families on the path that was chosen by Dustin and how it affected her in a positive way after his passing-a time when positives are tough to find. Della feels that she is now able to bring a part of Dustin’s legacy with her in her role as an advisor to other families. One young man has been able to convey his feelings about his own loved ones because of Dustin’s example. It is a gift that will stay with his family forever-just like Dustin’s.

Here are a few questions about what you can do to help your loved ones become aware of your wishes:

1. Which funeral home?
2. Cremation and/or burial? Casket and/or urn?
3. Location of funeral: funeral home, church, hall, other?
4. Date of funeral: viewing, prayers, service, wake?
5. Other items: flowers, programs for services (what would I like
   on them), memorial packages, e.g. flower seeds, photos?
6. Funeral: songs – singers, recorded music; what are my
   favorites? Slide show? Who to do eulogy? If have readings,
   which ones read by which people?
7. Burial: grave plot at cemetery, headstone (what would I like on
   it); if cremation, what to do with ashes?
8. Donations to charity – which one(s)?

Dustin was able to save his family additional stress because he organized his own funeral in the way that best suited his personal wishes. It was an amazing feat for a young man to accomplish for his last gift to his loved ones and we can learn from his example. By answering the above questions, you too can give the most beautiful gift to your loved ones: the absolute comfort provided by the final wishes of a departed loved one. Write out your answers and give copies to those that need to know this information. It will feel good to complete this information while you are well and not in a state of change or loss…so do it now!

Of course each person will have their own unique set of interests that will help connect them within themselves. Yoga, meditation, massage therapy, acupuncture, mountain climbing, skiing, comedy, skiing, snowboarding, hiking, crossword puzzles, snowshoeing, traveling, singing, bungie jumping, photography…the list is endless and as diverse as each person’s unique personality. The common denominator is that these activities provide a genuine source of enjoyment.

Here’s one that you may not have thought of – going to car shows. Recently on television there was a significant vehicle auction that aired live for a number of days in a row…and my husband and I were riveted to this vintage vehicle auction. Since I do know how to meditate, I can honestly say that it was very easy to lose myself in the auction, take a little get away from the reality of life and feel very relaxed as we watched this auction unfold live on television. We were mesmerized by the year of the vehicle, how many were made, what size of engine, the color, information about some of the owners, what it would feel like to maybe own one of these beauties, and an ongoing discussion about the final auction price of the vehicles.

We are not hard core television viewers; however we both enjoyed this unusual opportunity to take ourselves out of the winter darkness of January and into a bright world of car dreams for many hours during the unique TV collector car auction. We both thoroughly enjoyed our opportunity to watch this famous auction on TV and have now added a personal mutual goal to attend a future Scottsdale Arizona auction. It is now on our bucket list!

The golden opportunity to attend car shows around our wonderful province will happen again in the spring. Many animals hibernate during the winter, and so do the vehicles of “car people”. Of course it is usually “car guys”, but there are also a significant number of women in the old car hobby that keep their precious vehicle in comfortable wraps during the often lengthy Alberta winters. Car shows have a universal appeal to people of both genders and every age group, so everybody fits under the “car guy” label!

Alberta is a veritable goldmine for car shows and you can find a long list of the 2012 summer car show season at this www.mystarcollectorcar.com website. Jim and Jerry Sutherland are identical twin brothers who have combined their passion for old cars with an entertaining look at the personal relationship between owners and their cherished vehicles. The website also includes some amazing photos from the many car shows that they attend every summer, as well as daily auto pieces that celebrate the old car hobby.

All of this car talk brings me to my final point: I would like to recommend the car hobby as a very positive activity choice when the car show season is back in the spring. You don’t even have to run out and buy an old car- just take in one of the shows because it might just be a great Mind/Body tool for you. You will immerse yourself in a friendly and upbeat atmosphere while you enjoy the “happy factor” from each proud owner, so try it…you might really like it and it could help improve your health as a byproduct of this positive experience. Take it from a female “car guy”, it is a fun world!

1. What can I celebrate from the previous year?

2. What were some of the disappointments?

a) What do I need to let go of?

b) What can I do for myself in order to accept who I am now?

3. What did I learn about myself?

4. What am I most grateful for in my life right now?

5. What are some intentions that I have identified for myself for this year? Note that the term is intentions, not resolutions!

6. What personal measures can I take to facilitate better care of myself? This question includes acceptance that I know that it is up to me to provide my best self care in order to promote my own health and wellness.

7. What would be the one word that can be the theme that will act as a positive guide for my upcoming year? “The year of …..” as I move forward with my personal self care program?

8. Conversely, what is the one theme that I definitely need to discard in the upcoming year? Examples may include excessive worry, blame (personal or directed toward others), regret, overwork, etc.

A commitment to visually clarify and establish my own unique theme for 2012 will enhance my personal self care program and lead to an improvement in my health and relationships with the important people in my life.  Your answers to the featured questions may provide a pleasant surprise when you discover how well you can manage your personal decisions. You may also discover that you can make these decisions ahead of time in this upcoming year. Your health and well being is not the responsibility of others…it’s all up to you!

Thank you; Kathleen Chury