How to Uncomplicate your Christmas

Christmas was a fairly simple and exciting process when we were kids when the reward for good behavior was a generous supply of gifts under the tree. It was the most anticipated event of the year for kids and it could not arrive quickly enough for us.

Christmas gets increasingly more complicated as we get older and the holiday season can become a big problem rather than a source of pure enjoyment like our childhood Christmases. Christmas can lose its appeal in a hurry when life stressors enter into the equation.

Our idealized vision of Christmas is a perfect family setting with a festive mood of togetherness and harmony but the Hollywood versions of Christmas gatherings are not a reflection of real life where conflicts and loss can change Christmas into an endurance test. We get lost in our idea of a traditional approach to the holiday season and forget that family relationships change over time with loss and conflict, so a traditional approach no longer works for Christmas.

The holiday season requires a great deal more social contact, whether it extends from social obligations for friends, family or work occasions. It is important to learn how to say no when the social calendar gets cluttered and becomes draining rather than a source of enjoyment. We can, without guilt, simplify the season and get rid of the circumstances that make Christmas an arduous task because it does not have to be that way. We do not need to spend time with people or at events that makes us uncomfortable simply because of a sense of obligation; that is not a valid reason for social occasions during the holiday season.

Judge the events of Christmas honestly and decide whether you can handle an event that is just an obligation filled with shallow conversation or an occasion where you truly enjoy the people at the event. You do not have to feel any guilt if you decide an event does not bring you any enjoyment and instead adds extra stress to your holiday season. This is a perfect time to shrink your Christmas obligation list, say no to the less enjoyable invitations, and concentrate on the events that you truly enjoy.

You can also add experiences to your Christmas season that are uncomplicated and very enjoyable. This year our family chose to take a tour of a nearby town famous for its lavish Christmas displays. We had always talked about the idea, but this year my husband suggested that we take advantage of a crisp December evening with an abundance of snow and go have a look at the lights. They were spectacular and it gave us a chance to spend time with our youngest son on a Christmas light tour, complete with dinner together at a restaurant. We envision this event as a future annual tradition that we can all enjoy together as a family.

An uncomplicated Christmas is one where we do not try to fit things into our lives that no longer fit the bill for us. Sometimes the loss of somebody in our lives, whether through divorce, health challenges, or death, can completely change the dynamics of the season. We may try to maintain the structure of traditional Christmases when they no longer work for the new situation and the result is a negative experience. Thus changes may be absolutely necessary to bring the holiday season back to a positive experience.

The onset of problems after a loss in the family may even get worse in the second year because the first year is still a part of the immediate aftershock of the initial loss. The second year is a time when the sense of loss may get stronger and the situation might require changes to acknowledge this new reality instead of clinging to a past Christmas tradition that brings more sorrow because it emphasizes the loss. We do not forget the past and our relationships with the departed loved ones; we can adjust our lives so their absence is not a center piece for sorrow at family events after their departure. The need for change in this situation is not designed to get cold-hearted about the missing loved one by any means. It is a coping strategy to make the Christmas season less of a mourning period for losses in our lives.

Maybe our Christmases will never be a source of pure uncomplicated joy like our childhood Christmases, but we can get a lot closer to the joy of the season if we are willing to make them less complicated as we get older. You may have to give yourself permission not to explain yourself when you make the changes to simplify your holiday season by just saying no to the stressors. The only explanation needed is to yourself and you already know what made your Christmas season more complicated and less enjoyable for you.

Christmas can and should be a source of great happiness if we make it a healthier fit in our lives.